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Tis the Season, but I’m not jolly :(

Let me start off by saying that I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!  Its my second favorite holiday, following closely behind Halloween.  But this year I’m really having a hard time finding the Christmas spirit.  There are only 5 sleeps till Santa comes and I’m just not that excited.  Its very sad.  I haven’t really admitted this to anyone since most people I know would think its silly that something like this bothers me but I just needed to tell someone so lucky YOU!

This year, more than any other, I feel like I just haven’t had time for Christmas.  I realize Christmas is usually a hectic time for everyone, but I find its been especially hectic for me and I haven’t had a chance to catch up.  I’m busier than I have been in previous years, with my classes and now that I’m back to being a Guide leader for KB’s Sparks unit, but I didn’t think I was too busy to enjoy the holiday season.  I finished my shopping ages ago so I’m not really behind in that department, but that’s not really even the most important part of Christmas for me… its all the other stuff that I am missing this year.  I had some pretty big plans for this Christmas, especially since my parents are here now.

We were going to cut down our own tree out in Kananaskis (we haven’t been able to have a real one in a couple years because we were in apartments).  Every year growing up we would meet my cousins on our friend’s farm and hike back into the forest with them to cut down our trees.  It was one of my favorite traditions!  I really wanted to start it with KB this year but just didn’t have the time (or a saw) = FAIL #1.

We were going to make beautiful Christmas cards this year.  I’ve been planning the design for months, bought all the supplies and even started taking the pictures for the front of the cards.  I’ve made my cards every year for several years now and always include a picture that I’ve made with them, but this year was the most detailed card/picture combo and I was really excited.  Well, as time rolled on I couldn’t seem to get everyone together at the same time for the picture, so I changed the idea, but still struggled to pull it together.  Finally the deadline for sending cards came up and I wasn’t even close to being ready.  Sadly, I admitted defeat and sent out bought cards.  I got them out on time, but I really enjoy making the cards and personalizing them = Fail#2

Every year KB and I make ornaments to give to our friends and family.  We’ve made salt dough ornaments, glass balls, foamies ornaments.  Every year is something different, from her first Christmas on, but not this year.  I only just remembered that we haven’t made them and not only is it way too late to send them to everyone, but I’m not even sure how I would have sent them home without it costing me and arm and a leg.  This may be a tradition that will need to be re-evaluated, nonetheless I’m hoping to find time in the next 4 days to at least make one for ourselves and the grandparents = may be FAIL#3 (but still might be saved!)

Baking…UGH… Really?  The person who has her own cake company, who teaches cake decorating, can’t even get her own Christmas baking done?  Nope, I can’t.  Normally by now I would have made fudges and squares, cookies and truffles, chocolates and peppermint patties.  We make plates and gift baskets to give to KB’s various teachers, neighbours, friends and family.  This year however, I haven’t even thought about what to bake.  I have a little bit of time to salvage this tradition, but I feel like it should be FAIL #4 since it will be so rushed and I missed being able to give any to KB’s dance and swimming instructors.

Ok, so your probably saying to yourself, it really isn’t that bad.  How can a few little misses here and there bring you down about the entire holiday season?  You’re right, in the grand scheme of things, it may not seem like much, but to me all of the above traditions are really important.  They are more than just the specific activity, they are ways that I spend time with my family, doing something I love and lately I feel like I’m missing that quite a bit.  I think at Christmas time we really notice all the things we miss.  For me its HOME (Ottawa), my family and friends back home, quiet evenings spent hanging out with KB, the simple times when I didn’t have to worry about trying to be healthy and have babies or working and money, and most especially I really miss my Papa this time of year.  This is our second Christmas without him and it isn’t any easier than the one before.

Well, I think I just needed to get that all off my chest, and now I can focus on all the great things we’ve done this season and all the fun we’ve had!  As I wrote this post, for every ‘FAIL’ I made a note of one ‘WIN’ (I also have A Disney Channel’s Christmas and A Muppets Family Christmas-the original, aired in 1987-MY FAV playing in the background) to try and lift my spirits.  I think its working, and to celebrate, my Friday post will be all about these ‘WINS’ and some plans for a great 2012!  Thanks for joining my pity party!  Take care for now everyone 🙂

I’m Happy, I’m Healthy, I’m Fertile, ttfn, xo

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