Well, hello there 🙂 How are you all doing? Who’s ready for some exciting news? It finally happened! The day we have been waiting for has arrived. We were matched with a couple of little boys and we said yes. YES! Can you believe it? YAY 😀 (Just to warn you, this post and many that follow afterwards will be inundated with these: ‘:)’; these: ‘:D’; and these ‘!!!’, so you’ll just have to suck it up for now, lol).
It has been a really long time since I’ve written anything. The loop de loops on our roller coaster ride were getting a little intense for a while and I just needed a break. But I’m back and have had a lot of friends and family asking for THE STORY. We were fairly open with people about our choice to adopt. If it came up in conversation we were open books, but we never made a point of announcing to the world that we were jumping on the roller coaster. There were no big Facebook announcements, or a cute, witty announcement sent in the mail to everyone we know. We just told people as it came up. I think almost everyone we know was in the loop, but not everyone knows the full story, so of course, now they all want to know! Because of that, I think I will take the time to go back to the beginning.
We’ve had a few questions about how we came to the decision to adopt, so I’m going to start there 🙂 Like most couples hit with infertility, you never expect it to happen. The shock of being told that you can’t or shouldn’t have children can come as quite a blow. Not only does it crush hopes and dreams, but it also goes against an evolutionary drive to procreate (it’s what we are supposed to do, isn’t it?), and that is a tough impulse to overcome. We were lucky, we had KB without even trying, no really, I was on birth control, we actually weren’t trying! I knew at the time that I might have PCOS, my doctor had discussed it with me because of other symptoms I had, but we weren’t ready for children so we never thought about infertility.
When KB was 6 months old we (mostly me) decided that we should start trying for #2. Having had some time to learn about PCOS I knew the road could be difficult so I figured we should start early. By KB’s first birthday, we were still trying, same with her second, her third, and so on. This is ultimately what led to my official diagnosis of PCOS, and secondary infertility. By 2 years old, KB was asking for a baby brother, poor Santa, that year, didn’t know what to say. So we kept trying because now it was important to her as well as us. My heart was broken. How do you explain infertility to a young child? Eventually, when I turned 30 my fertility doctors went from saying “Oh don’t worry, your still so young” to “well… you are 30 now… soooo, your not getting any younger”. That was it, enough was enough, we decided to talk about adoption.
The Hubs and I had always talked about adoption. We really wanted that to be part of our family, and had every intention of adopting once we were done having biological children. It didn’t take much convincing to bump up the timeline a little and talk about adopting now. If there is one thing that life has taught us, it’s that plans change. You can either go with the flow and be flexible enough to change with them, or miss out. So, we decided to go with the flow and started ask questions 🙂
Here are 5 things to consider when thinking and talking about adoption:
1) Why do you want to adopt? Just wanting to have a baby isn’t a good enough reason to adopt, so really think about all the reasons why you want to bring a child into your home. There is no right or wrong answers, just make sure there is some substance to your reasons for choosing adoption over other methods of growing your family.
2) Who do you want to adopt? Take this as literally as you would like. You are going to be asked to make some tough decisions about WHO you want to adopt. Your boundaries may be pushed as your case worker shares with you the type of children that are available. So who is that you want to add to your family?
3) What type of adoption are you open to? Knowing who you want to adopt may lead you to choose a certain type of adoption. You need to do some research on what is available in your area and go to any information sessions that are offered to make sure you pick the right path. You may choose to pick several paths and see what pans out. Just make sure you ask alot of questions and get the facts.
4) Are you prepared to wait? It doesn’t matter what avenue you choose, you will wait, and wait and WAIT. There is paperwork, there is red tape, there are people who are overworked, trying their best to work as hard for you as their other 40 clients. Everyone waits, some for a short time, others for what seems like forever. Can you do that?
5) Most importantly: CAN YOU ACCEPT THIS CHILD AS YOUR OWN? Yes, you can love this child, you can spoil and protect and take care of this child, but can you accept them as your own. You say “of course I can”. But think about this. One day, teachers tell you that there is something, just not quite right. You find out that your child has FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder). Will you suddenly feel the necessity to refer to your child as adopted when you talk to people to stop them from assuming anything about you? We don’t have the luxury of using this qualifier with biological children whenever we feel judged by society, so we can’t do that with adopted children either.
Next week I’ll go through the application process again! If you have any questions, let me know 🙂
Thanks for reading! Take care everyone.
I’m Happy, I’m Health, I’m a Mom to 3 🙂